My feet planted in the ground,
I could feel moss swallowing them whole
Roots, tangent vines, corkscrew movements up my body and around my heart.
In fear of being stung,
I made a barrier there.
A stone structure that kept the vines away
But also the daisies.
I grew up with the fingers of another person
I grew up with the clothes of another group
I grew up with the fear of ever letting my family down if I changed
My mom tells me soft words I used to say when I was a child
“I want to live my life in pink.”
But now I sit in darker shades, trying to hide scars and hidden agony under piles of clothing
And nobody shuts up
My walls are falling and the vines are getting in
Thorns are sharper in anticipated and I am sinking
My lungs feel so compacted and I don’t feel a reason to stay buried beneath the layers
Until a rose blossomed.
A rose blossomed in the thorns
It seemed so scared
But when I reached for it I was stuck with thorns
The thorns felt so sweet
I loved the sensation of the blood that cascaded down my flesh
But soon the thorns fell.
The rose laid beautiful.
Full of delight and love
I could feel my body lighten
It wasn’t that I needed a barrier from all the vines and corkscrews in my life that kept the layers of black guck on my body
It was that through the pain
I needed a light.